Jesus Freaks!!!!

Jesus Freak! What does that mean to me? What is my definition of a Jesus Freak? To me it is someone who is so sold out to God that nothing else matters in their lives. It is someone, who every single time you look upon that person you see God reflecting in their life. Someone so utterly in love you Jesus that nothing else seems to be enough for them.

So now my question to myself is, Am I a Jesus Freak? I seriously had to stop and ponder on this question. I had to go back to the statements I had just made about what a Jesus Freak was.

Am I sold out to God to the point of where nothing else in my life matters? YES!

Does God reflect in my life, at all times? ……I believe so.

So do I consider myself a Jesus Freak? Yes.

Now for the real question, does this make me strange? Of course it does. I am living my life completely opposite of what the world thinks is cool and correct. But that is what God also warned us about. We will be different and like aliens in our own worlds. Take for example Jesus, no one in his hometown liked him. He was the strange one, the crazy one, who should have been put into a nutty house. He was just plain weird. But he was okay with that, because he knew the mission that he was suppose to carry out. So here comes my next question.

Does it bother me? I would love to say no. I love being different and not fitting in at all. Only half of that statement is true. I love to be different, because that is what makes me unique. That is what makes me, me. That is what makes you, you. However, do I do not like not fitting in, no. I hate it. I want to be loved, I want to be accepted. I have my whole life. Slowly, but surely I am being to see that God didn’t call us to be comfortable I our own small little lives, He called us to accomplish his mission of spreading his world. Or in my words, to be Jesus Freaks. To reflect him daily. To be sold out completely.

So how do we get there? How do we get the honor to be called a Jesus Freak? And yes it is an honor that is not to be taken lightly. You find mentors. I have been so blessed to have found some of the world’s best mentors in life. Bobbie Jo has lead and helped me through so many areas in my life. She has been there every step of the way in many areas of life. Jacob and Leslie have been there as well, showing me how to become a Jesus Freak, and how to stand firm in all that I do. They have showed me how to love those around me and to appreciate the little things in life, how to wait upon the Lord and his sweet timing. I have to say right now I am so grateful to each one. Thank you!

A Jesus Freak, in my eyes, loves to eat, but not the physical food that you are thinking of right now. We love to eat the Word of God, to receive our daily portion of protein. How can we expect to get ‘on with our bad selves’ if we are weak spiritually and have no energy. We need God’s help and power, which we get through his Word, through an intimate relationship with him, and by walking step for step with him.

I am not saying that this is going to be easy to do. It the opposite, it’s hard to accomplish. It takes dedication, willingness to submit, courage, and trust. It will take all that you have within you to do become a Jesus Freak. However once you do accomplish it, it will be the most rewarding experience of your life. You will feel a freedom that you have never before. You will see things in a light that you had never seen before. You experience life in a way you have never before.

HEARTACHES and RAINBOWS

Wow its been awhile. I decided to update this tonight. Couldnt really get to sleep, so i decided that this was the next best thing to do. As i am typing this, some many things are going/racing through my head. I have been realizing just how crazy life can get and sometimes its to crazy for my liking. But i just try and keep my head up and keep on trucking through life and try and make it to that next rest stop where i can finally find rest in HIM.

God has blessed me with wonderful relationships. I adore each one of them and each one has a different meaning to me. I cant thank God enough for my mentor that He has brought in my life. Bobbie Jo Dinkel. The most amazing woman that i have ever meet. She has counciled me through so many different things in just the short time that i have known her. And i love her very much. I have also meet one of my best friends since moving out here. He has been there no matter how crazy i get or my life gets, which is new and amazing for me. For anyone who is struggling in life, find that one or two people that can make you smile no matter the situation and who will come a minutes notice. Once you have found these people, dont loose them and cherish every moment that you have with them. I truly dont know what i would do without them. My life wouldnt be the same that i know for sure.

However, one thing that i have come to know is that life is not without heartaches. Some of them are more significant than others. But each on effects us. Many times we think that we can get through life by just patching our hearts up and we think that that small piece of duck tape will work. I have yet to find that true. If you have, please let me know how you do it cause i would love to know to accomplish this. Back to heartaches. Why do we have to have them has been on of my biggest questions lately and what in the world am i suppose to take out of them. Over this past summer, many things have changed for. Friendships, family relationships, my relationship with God. However, not all of them have been bad. Some have been though. Many of these relationships have come to a halt. Friends and family. My walk with God has grown tremendously because of the halts. He has been the one that has been there the entire time. Through this time i have come to the conclusion that i am done with games. I am NOT playing the game of competition for a friendship. I am NOT making a person i care for choose me or someone else. I CANT do that and I WONT do that. I would rather loose a friendship than make a person choose. Which has made somethings come to a halt for me, but i know somewhere in this dark shadow there is a rainbow and things will get better. But that doesnt mean i dont have a broken heart. By doing this my heart breaks everytime, but knowing that my friend is happy and satisfied brings me the joy/rainbow for my life.

I want to thank all of my friends that i have in my life. You guys have made me who i am. Please dont every change for anything cause you are exactly who i love and you are exactly who God made you to be. I pray that God blesses each one of you in a mighty way and protects you from heartaches.

If you are reading this and struggling with something in your life and want/need someone to listen, please share your story. I want to know. I want to be that RAINBOW in your life. Know that there is someone who does care about you and loves you. And if you want to i would love to introduce you to one of my best friends. He is an amazing person and will love you now matter what. His name is Father, Jesus, The Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. He is my Savior and Lord, my Comforter and most of all my FRIEND. And he wants you too!!!!!!!!

Youth Confrence

This past weekend Calvary Gospel Youth went to Hays, Kansas to a the Cross Current Youth Conference. This year the theme was Saturate. At first i was like cool sounds great, the youth should be able to get alot out of it and i could take a day off of work. Lame i know......but at that time that was how i was feeling. We get there and the atmosphere surrounding this place was amazing. Everyone was pumped up and ready to get with God. And my attitude began to change. I began to feed off of our kids and the excitement that was around us. I ended up going with the Jr High Students. The messages that were given were amazing and straight to the point. Talking bout what comes in will come out. So be careful of what you are watching and reading and listening. I began to think about what are things that i am in taking? Are the uplifting and praising my King or are they things that i would be ashamed of if HE was listening or standing right next to me.

One of the coolest things i witnessed with the Jr. Higher Students was the development of their leadership skills. The first session i witnessed kids who were timid and not want to stick out to much to a the last session of i dont care who sees me im gonna praise my Lord. I was amazed and praising God right with them. I have never felt more satisfied as i do know. Knowing that youth ministry is where God is calling me and that this time in Goodland is a season of training and one day....one sweet day some thing amazing is going to happen. Not quite sure what that is yet, but all i know is that i cant wait for that to happen.

WOW!!! MY LIFE

Oh where to begin. The past couple of weeks have been absolutely crazy. I have gotten a new job. PTL. I am possibly moving into my own apartment soon, which will be another answered prayer. And God has just been amazing.

I am currently working at Helena Chemical. At first, i was extremely nervous. New job and all, but every day brings some more confidence into my life. I have been able to do things i thought i would have never been able to do. I have been able to catch up with an old roommate who works out there as well. I only had one concern after beginning to work out there. I will end up being the only female working with a bunch of guys and truck drivers. Now the whole thing of them being males does not bother me, but the language that is spoken at this place does raise huge red flags for me. I began to pray and seek God to see if this was where He actually wanted me. In my teenage years I always struggled with cursing, and until starting this new job, I thought I had it under control. The other day I received conformation for a couple of ladies that yes this is where God wants me for the time being. It frees up my nights and weekends for the most part, which is time that I spend with friends and family and my youth kids. And for the two weeks that i have been there God has shown me favor. My manager, who is not a Christian man, asked if I needed of early on Wednesday night for youth group and then Thursday morning asked what we had taught our youth kids the past night. I was amazed that he even would ask about it.

I have also begun a new journey of teaching a class at Victory House, which is a teen challenge center. The first night went very well. Through these girls God has been showing me alot. A revelation that I just got sitting here typing is that God wants our kids to be brought up in a safe environment and if some parents cant provide that He will find someone who is willing and will provide a Christian home. God is always looking out for us and will protect His children at all cost. No one can pluck us from the hand of God. John 10:28. No one can!!!

To me tonight that is such an encouragement. If I stay in Gods will for my life, no one can take me away from Him and He will always have my back in every situation that I will have to face.

This is all for this time. God will provide you a way out of the situation that you are in.

The Window to Our souls

This past days and weeks the phrase 'the eyes are the windows to our souls' has been running through my head. What does that exactly mean? Can you truly see the who a person really is? What is about the eyes that make them the window to the soul? Why?
Ever since I have been a kid, i have always noticed a persons eyes. It would meet someone new and if i was really interested in the person, i would look at there eyes. At that age i was only noticing the color of the eyes and that is as far as it went. Never anything deeper. But as i have grown older, i have begun noticing that the eyes of a person hold many secrets. Through the eyes you can see if the person is genuinely interested or just being nice. You can see anger or kindness. You can see the joy or sadness of that person. You can see love or hatred.
Last night as i was sitting and talking to a friend, i saw something in his eyes that i had never noticed before. There was a genuine care and love in them. Not to sound corny or anything but it was one of those looks that any girl would kill to get.
Although this friend and i only have a friendship, God showed me last night a glimpse of what He has prepared for me in the future. That there is a man out there that will look at me in the same way. That will love and appreciate me. And all i have to do is wait. So i encourage any single girl that reads this, that God has a special person planned for you that when you look into his eyes you will completely melt. Last night i got a taste of it and a hope that the day is coming and most likely coming sooner than I think.
And this is my prayer, that your love may abound you more and more in the knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ. Philippians 1:9-10

How do you say "I LOVE YOU"

How do you say those three little words that at times are so hard to say, but other times are so easy to come off of our tongues? There are so many different types of love. The love of friends, of family, of Christ, of a mate. But is there a wrong way and a right way to say those words. When is it okay and when should you just keep your mouth shut.

When I express my love to my Savior, I never seem to have the right or enough words to say "I Love You". Some how i always seem to stumble through them, but the best part is that He knows the words that i am trying to say and He still loves me even with the lack of words.

Then I think about the love that I have for my family and do i tell them enough that I love them. Or do i let days go by before i say the three precious little words. And how often do I actually tell my friends that I love them and appreciate who they are and what they have done in my life? Do I even say "I Love You" enough? But then if I say those words too much do they mean as much as I think that they do? Can a person over say "I love you"

My mind then wonders to the teenage years and early twenties......A stage of life when some people only say those words to get something from the other sex. And so many times we abuse those three words as well. To better position ourselves in life, to find 15 minutes of pleasure, all in the pursuit of finding love. So the next question is 'What is love'? Is it sex, is it a feeling, is it just words we say......

At the moment i cant really say what love is.

I know the love of my Savior. I know the love of my friends and family. But one thing i have yet to experience is the love of a significant other, who has yet to arrive.

So love is_____. So many different things to each person. All I know for sure is that love wins. LOVE WINS everytime and in every situation.

I encourage anyone who reads this to do some soul searching and find out love is to you. Fill in the blank with what love means to you.

One final thought. Why is 'I love you' always referred to as 'the three little words'. I think it should be 'the three BIG words'. This phrase has the power to build someone up and help them to become the best that they can become or to tear them into pieces.

I beg you that before you say those words to exam and decide whether it will build this person up or tear them down.

Torn in Two

So lately I have been feeling as if my heart has been torn in two different directions. The things I know God wants me to do is one direction. And then the other direction is what a "normal" 21 year old is suppose to be doing. Going to a college and living the college life. And then there is also the thing of love. Waiting for someone one who God has appointed and wanting to go and find this person and make it happen NOW. So lately that is how I have been feeling.
Last night as I was sitting in McDonalds with a couple of friends, I began to think of how my life could be.......parties, guys, going places, ect. But then I had to look around me. I knew that the cops would not be called on us, we were glorifying our King, and these two guys were in the same boat as me. Living against the norm. But truly what is the norm in life for a 21 year old. The world says parties, drinking, sex, drugs,..... But then when I look at what God wants I see a completely different picture. A picture of fellowship, purity, peace, trust,...... One of these direction to the human eyes seems better than the other. But W.W.J.W. "What Would Jesus Want"
I know exactly what God wants but at times its seems almost next to impossible to achieve it. But for all of those who are around my age can take home in the youth of the Bible. Take Esther for example. She was only a teenager and she was able to save her people. Daniel was taken from his own country and God showed him favor. Joseph was sold into slavery and ended up later saving his brothers and people too. In 1 Timothy 4:12, Paul writes Dont let anyone think less of you because of you are young.
To me this was such an encouragement to continue living my life the way that I am living it. It doesnt matter how old or young we are God will use us if we are willing. Even as I am writing this God is beginning to mend my heart. Cry out to God and He will hear you and answer all your prayers. Maybe not in ways that we expected or think that He should, but He will be there every single time to GUIDE you through those times. Just has He has guided me through all of lifes crazy situations.

Baptism of the Holy Spirit.

For the longest time this has always put a little of fear into my heart. I would see these Christians who have been Baptised in the Holy Spirit and all of the them seemed, well kinda crazy. I believe that the craziest and scariest thing for me was the gift of tongues. Thinking of this, I go to Acts and the Day of Pentecost of where the Holy Spirit came and Paul and the apostles where given the gift of tongues. They were able to speak in languages that they did not know. WOW!!! And the people around them thought they were drunk. LOL.

This past sunday night at our prayer service, one of the elders wife came up to me and asked if I wanted to receive the Baptism of the Holy Spirit. Not wanting to miss out on anything that God has planned for me, I said yes. So her husband came and prayed for me and before I knew it I was muttering/speaking in tongues and praising God. I wasnt in that building for that moment and I was with my Savior. Praising His name. I had a feeling come over me that I had never felt before.

Before all of this happened, I was feeling so blue and down. That week prior, I made a phone call that would change my Easter Weekend. It was one of the hardest things that I ever had to do. I told my parents not to come out to Goodland Kansas to visit, because of their financial situation. And this killed me more than I thought it would. I got off the phone and went to my friend, my mentor, my "mother" Bobbie and cried my heart out. Which I hardly ever do. Sunday night prior to praying I was feeling so blue and down and crying like a baby again. I started to feel anger and disappointment.

But once again my God was faithful and came to my rescue and held me as I cried. As i was sitting there a little girl named Olivia came up and touched my leg to see if i was okay. At that moment I truly felt that it was the hand of God and Him telling me that everything was going to to be okay, although the storm were coming in and the skies were becoming black.

He rescued me, like He has always done and always will do. In Psalms 31:2-3 Turn your ear to listen to me; rescue me quickly. Be my rock of protection, a fortress where I will be safe. you ar my rock and my fortress. For the honor of your name, lead me out of this danger.

Tonight as I write this, I know that although the skies arent as sunny as they have been, that everything will be okay and that in time He will bring His perfect plan into motion. And each night I become one day closer to that day. This is what has been on my heart this past week.

Our Purpose on Earth?????

This morning i was contemplating what my life is really about. Why am i on this earth. What is my purpose here. Am i just suppose to live each day as if they werent anything special. Or should i wake up every morning with a renewed spirit, mind, and soul about the day ahead of me. Well that day would typically be....Sleep, and then work. Is my life only about making money and surviving today day and praying that i survive the next day. What is my purpose and what is my next step. This morning as i was thinking upon these things, my life became a blur. Why am i here and why am i at this job. What is the point of being a night auditor at a hotel where i hardly see anyone until the next morning for maybe two hours, but then right after work i go home and sleep. Is that really all my life is suppose to be about. Yea it is convenient that i am able to finish my homework for classes, but what for...... Whats the point???? This is the question that i have been struggling with this morning?

Now i do realize that not many, if any, people read this blog. I just find that i can work through things and find answers better once i write things down. Im weird like that i know.

Right now as im listening to some worship music the song that is playing is Every Man by Casting Crowns. "Is there hope for every man?" YES!!! There is a love that never dies and JESUS is hope for every man. Which kinda gives me my answer.

But then my heart is torn for the things and people that i left behind in Indiana and Mexico. I love each of those places for the same but also different reasons.

Indiana is where my beginning is. My family, childhood friends, and most of my memories and dreams. Mexico is the place where i found my calling for youth ministry and where my ministry began. Had you asked me a 8 months ago if i would be living in Goodland Kansas, i would have said NO, Ill be in Mexico working as a missionary.

I had part of my calling right. The only thing wrong was the place. I wouldnt be a missionary in Mexico, but rather i would be a missionary in Goodland Kansas. Now i know that many people, when hearing the word missionary think of people in foreign countries and maybe even dangerous place spreading Gods Word and Love. Here is where whoever may read this might disagree if you havent already.

Isnt America just as dangerous. Isnt life itself dangerous?????? In my humble opinion.....YES. We drive cars down a highway at 60 or higher speeds. One wrong move and you are in a bad situation. And not just the dangerous part of it but God has told us to take the Gospel to all corners of the world. Isnt the United States apart of that or is it exempt????

We are all called to be missionaries in our own states, communities, schools, workplaces, families, to friends, and our own lives. So i guess i just answered my own question from earlier. I pray that my blog will be a blessing and an inspiration to all those who read it whether it be one person or a multitude of people. Lord use it to your honor and glory.

Set Appointed Times

Are there things in life that you are waiting for? I know that I am and at times it feels as if some of these things will never come to pass. Then the other day as i was hanging out at Dinkel Collison Repair and Bobbie Jo had me listen to this online preacher, which i hardly ever do. He was talking about how instead of becoming depressed and disappointed that things havent happened yet, we need to change our outlook on life. And of course, that was the week that i was struggling with still being single when it was seeming as if everyone around me was getting married or engaged. I had been questioning God why havent You brought him into my life yet? And i had started to feel depressed, disappointed, unlovable, and many more emotions.

But after listening to part of this preachers sermon, i have now changed my outlook and how i approach the end of each day. God has a perfect path for each of us who choose to follow it. Everything that is suppose to happen to you will happen no matter what you may believe. The day when i am suppose to meet my soul mate has already been set in stone and is coming. Now each night instead of being disappointed that that day has not come yet, I thank God that I am one day closer to meeting him. And this will apply to anything in your life, no matter how long you have been waiting for that promotion, that family or friend to come to Christ. Any desire of you heart will come true. All it take is waiting.

But those who wait upon the Lord, will renew their strength. They mount on wings of eagles and fly. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not be faint. Is. 40:31

So I challenge, tonight instead of question God why that thing that you have been waiting on hasnt happened yet, thank Him for bringing you one day closer to your set-appointed day.

Have You Ever Wondered

Have you ever wonder what your purpose on this earth is? Why did God put you in the exact place that you are now? Why? I know I have and I wonder about these things constantly. Like what is the exact plan for my life, and where am I going on this rollarcoaster ride called LIFE. Sometimes I feel as if I am fallin off the ride and that I will never be able to see the sky again. That Im falling into a never ending hole. But then there are other times when I feel as if Im flying high above the sky and that I dont have a care in the world. But then I always come crashing down to reality. Why is it that once we feel like things are going good we, fall back down again? Right now the only thing I can think of is Gravity. I know that I have been called to walk a life that is modeled after Christ, but why at time does that seem so hard to do. Why does my flesh speak so loudly? Why do I listen to it? For example, tonight as I went on a run I began to think about what I might be missing by not going to college: the parties, the friends, and the different opportunities that might have come out of them. But then I also think of how blessed I am to not of had to walk down that path to find myself. The the next thing I begin to think about is the people in my life. How exactly am I suppose to touch their lives. I mean what could I possible bring to the table. I am after all only 21 years of age. How can God possible use me at such a young age. I mean should I have to grow up first. But as I write this my mind goes to Daniel, Esther, David, and others who were just teens as well and God used them to do mighty things. But I will never be a Queen or kill a giant or be in a den with lions. Although all of those would be really sweet. So what in the world is God going to do with my life. As I am taking classes to ministry work, I begin to see a small light of hope of what my life might look like. I see in my future having a youth group and working with the youth of tomorrow. To be able to influence those around me with my story. But then I am always cautious about thinking about my future, because those dreams have be crushed before. But one thing that I do know is that God is faithful in life even when it seems as though He isnt even there. And He will always be there, through thick and thin. So even though my mind will wonder about what is to come in this life, one thing that I know for sure is that my God will always be there and will never leave my side.

How do you?

So lately I have been trying to figure out some things about life. And with it being February and Valentines Day, I have been thinking alot about love and how love effects our everyday life. It effects the mood that we are in, how we relate to those around us, and our overall confidence in life. I must say that in my 21 years of life, I have never had a boyfriend, so I have never experienced that kind of love. Although there are many times in my life that I wish that I would have had that person right by my side. But throughout those difficult times in my life, I have learned a very important lesson. The only way I can truly love myself and those around me, is by having the love that my Savior gives me daily. Many a times I have wished for the love and affection from a boyfriend but through those times a began to rely on God for my everything.

Today I am at a cross roads in my life. There is a certain someone, who will remain nameless, that has caught my attention and has begun to catch my heart. But the one problem I have is that I dont know how to approach this person. My personality is that a guy should do the approaching and should make that first move, but sometimes Im not sure of how to handle myself. I honestly believe that God has put me where I am right now to find that person, so that He can finish writing my love story. You see about 5 months ago, I gave the Lord the pen to my love story and I let Him begin the writing. However there were time when I would grab the pen back, but I would always seem to get hurt. FUNNY I KNOW!!!!! But back to my dilemma, How do I go about show my affection and love to this person. This is one thing that I have not figured out. And if this is the person that God has for me, how long must I wait to know. As you may be able to tell, I am a very impatient person and I like to know what is going on. But that is where my faith needs to become strong. Trusting and knowing that God will bring the right person to my "doorstep". So if you are struggling with the same thing, I say wait upon God and He will give you direction to what you need to know and where you need to go.

My thoughts on Valentines Day

So many time I hear people, including myself, say things like "I don't believe in Valentines Day!" And then other times I cant believe that people, myself included, think that we need a holiday to say "I love you or I appreciate you" to those around us. Our mothers, fathers, friends, siblings, children, and most importantly God, someone who most of us forget about on this day. Myself included.

But then I also begin to think and question the holiday. How come we need a calender to tell us when to REALLY show the world how we feel about those around us. And how come we need a calendar to tell us when to say I love you. Shouldn't it be a daily thing we do. I believe so.

In our daily walk with our Savior, we need to say I love you DAILY! Because God shows us His Love and Grace each and everyday. I mean does God have a calendar hanging in His house with a day circled Today is the day that I need to tell me children "I love you!" I DON'T THINK SO!!!!!!

So during this new lets try to remember to always tell the ones in our lives that we love and appreciate them. Don't let a single day go by without telling that someone special. I LOVE YOU!

2010

The New Year is officially here now!!!!! I can not believe that it has already come. Last year this time i was beginning to get ready to go down to Mexico. Trying to get everything into order. This year it is kinda similar as well. Although i am not going to Mexico this year, i will be heading to Goodland Kansas to continue my work for the Lord. Working with my generation as well as the generation that will come after me. Last night as the world counted down the seconds to the New Year, I began to pray for the new year and all the things that would be coming. For the people i will be meeting and the kids i will be teaching. For this next year, I pray that every has a safe year away from all of the heartaches that life sometimes has to offer. But if you do have that heartache come into your life, i pray that the Lord shows you the bigger picture of it all, and that you find your comfort in HIM through it all. Remember through it all to live laugh and love cause life is too dull without those three. Wishing everyone a Happy New Year. God Bless!!!!!!