“Jesus gave his life for our sins, just as God our Father planned, in order to rescue us from this evil world in which we live.” -Galatians 1:4
My LIFE was paid for with a high price. I am a valuable person/individual. I need to start living like it. I need to get this through my head. Somehow it needs to connect.
I don’t recognize myself anymore. I don’t know who the person in the mirror is looking back at me. I have loss my sense of purpose and who I am. I feel used, unwanted, unworthy, and trashed. I am ashamed of who I have become. I am ashamed of my feelings on myself. If I can’t love myself then who is going to love me? If I am not willing to learn to love myself, why would anyone else want to try and love me? I need to discover what love is and what it looks like. The only true love that I know of comes from Christ alone. My head knows all of this, but my head and heart and actions don’t connect right now. I have been spiraling out of control for awhile now and I am just tired of not getting it and putting on this fake mask of who everyone wants me to be. I have become addicted to a silent killer.
“My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” – Galatians 2:20
If I really believe this, then I need to live like I believe this whether anyone is watching me or not. I need to make some changes in my life. I need to cleanse my heart, my mind, and my soul. I need to rewire my life to be completely in tune with God’s wants and desires for me. And not listen to what my flesh wants. Daily I need to die to my flesh and pick up my cross and boldly walk with Christ. I need to do this first and foremost to even begin to fathom what love truly is. The world today has completely warped the idea of love. I need my eyes to be opened to what God’s love truly is and how it is shown in its most true and purest form.
“It is through faith that a righteous person has life.” This way of faith is very different from the way of the law which says, “It is through obeying the law that a person has life.” ~Galatians 3:11b-12
Faith has become so hard for me right now. I am becoming a person who has very little faith. I don’t like it, but that is where I have ended up. Logically I look around and I don’t see things the way I used to see them. I am having a hard time seeing things the way God wants me to see them. I see the facts and the science behind things. And sometimes TRUTH seems so far away and distant. I don’t understand why I have become like this or how I got to this place. But all I know is that I am scaring myself being in this spot. Every single day I feel as if I lose more faith and try to become a better person. Try to fix myself. And I know it isn’t working but it has become comfortable. I keep going back to how do I become this person, when I am able to teach kids about faith and truth and God. But my head and heart are disconnected right now. How does that happen? Faith and Grace alone can save me. I have to find that again. I have to find that passion and desire again. I am just stuck on how to find it. Somehow the flame needs to be reignited in me again.
“Is there a conflict, then, between God’s law and God’s promise? Absolutely not! If the law could give us new life, we could be made right with God by obeying it. But the Scriptures declare that we are all prisoners of sin, so we receive God’s promise of freedom only by believing in Jesus Christ”
~Galatians 3:21-22
I am a prisoner of my sins and my bond has been paid for, but I keep dwelling in prison cell. I have forgotten what freedom really looks like and feels like. I have become so used to the things around me that I have grown numb to them. “It’s the way it’s always been and I’m just always gonna be that way”. NO! I have to change the mentality of my thinking. I need to find my faith again. Somewhere along this journey of life, I lost a lot of it and I need to fill my “supply” again.
Lord – Help me find the faith I need. Help me to completely seek you and to only focus on you. I have had some many distractions this past year and a half Lord that I don’t know me anymore. I have lost focus on you and our relationship. I am sorry and I ask for forgiveness. Father, help me to run to you in every situation that occurs whether big or small, good or bad. Help me to remember to always draw near to you, because you promised you would draw near to me.
“And because we are his children, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out, “Abba, Father.” Now you are no longer a slave but God’s own child. And since you are hiss child, God has made you his heir.” -Galatians 4:6-7
I know Jesus has paid the entirety of my debt and the price was huge. He paid it so I would not have to be a slave to my flesh. But at times I have deliberately chosen to be a slave. To not live in the freedom that God’s Son purchased for me at such a high cost. Other days; however, I live in total freedom and then the next my world/life comes crashing in on me. Why do I turn back to my “slavery”? I believe that it is because there is a comfort that is with our bondage. It is what we have become accustomed to and most times it brings us pleasure for that small measure of time. Is it worth it? Is it worth abandoning and throwing the priceless gift that I was given aside for the pleasure of this world? Is it worth it? If I am truthful with myself, the times when I have thrown this precious gift aside and into the mud/dirty the momentary satisfaction seemed to be enough to justify my actions. However, just like a one night stand, many regrets and “what was I thinking” thoughts would flood my mind. I am changing my mentality. I will protect the precious gift I was given. It is things like these that make life worth living and loving. It’s the strides we take forward and the progress we make daily in our lives to maintain the relationship we have built with Christ and those around us. I am beginning to see that until my relationship with Christ is where it needs to be, all other relationships will have a void that cannot be filled.
“Dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to live as I do in freedom from these things…”-Galatians 4:12
Why is freedom so hard to comprehend? It is something most people desire to have but so many are afraid of the price that is required of them to obtain the freedom which they so desperately seek. Whether we are seeking an emotional, spiritual, or physical freedom, many are paralyzed by the fear of the unknown cost and consequences that freedom requires. For a person who has lived the majority of their life bound by chains, freedom is a difficult change. Chains become a comfort. It becomes our identity and it begins to become the one thing we rely on to tell us who and what we are. Paul urges us not to return to those chains, rather to continue living a life full of freedom. A freedom that brings hope, peace, joy, and love.
“So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don’t get tied up again in slavery to the law” ~Galatians 5:1
To me the “law” is anything that keeps you in bondage and keeps you from growing more intimate with Christ. The “law” is chains and shackles that we have and at times put on ourselves. The “law” looks different to everyone it comes in contact with. What is keeping me from a more intimate relationship with God? What is holding me back? What steps am I willing to take to rectify the relationship? What do I need to give up to find that desire and passion in my life again?
Lord – Reveal to me what things need to be changed in my life. The things I have replaced you with. I want to make you the foundation of my life and of my love. I know things in my life need to change. I have taken some steps, but most of those have been minimal sacrifices that didn’t really effect/matter to me to much anyway. I need your help. I am at the bottom and don’t know where to go from here. Guide me in the direction and path you want me to walk in. I want my life to be solely and completely about you. My focus to be on you alone with no distractions. I want to be all that I can be and right now I know that I am selling myself short. I need to change my mentality and how I view myself and how you view me. Help me reach the place you have for me and the place where I want to go. Do more than I can think, dream, and imagine.
