Broken and Healing

Brick by brick the walls I built begin to crumble

Frantically I try to repair my walls with no success

Knowing that once my wall completely crumbles

My refuge and safe place is forever in ruins

In search of a new refuge amongst the rubble

All I manage to do is stumble about and battered and bruised I become

Every fear and failure present, every dream and self ambition a counted for

Tears begin to race down my face as every comfort has been stripped away

To my knees I fall as helplessness begins to take over my being

Looking to the sky I cry aloud for help, for a healing touch – a saving grace

While still uttering my plea, I hear someone sifting through the ruins

Slowly I turn to see who has answered my cries, afraid it’s just a dream

Cautiously I move towards him, watching his every move as he works

Continuing to break down the walls, I scream in disbelief

My protection, My hiding place – disappearing

Revealing my soul, my inner being

Slowly he turns to me and says “You cried for help, so let me!”

I sit down amongst my comforts and just watch in disbelief at this scene

These were the bricks that defined me, that made me who I was

Could it be that I really didn’t know who I was supposed to be?

For years I worked so hard to define my life

To build and maintain my wall of perfection and protection

As I sat watching, I realized how exhausted I had become

I had no stamina to protest, to prove my point, to show him I knew best

I tried to take in what exactly was happening but my eyes failed me

Then I heard him say listen with your heart, My Child

The kiss of the cool breeze on my face, the orchestra and choir of nature

I begin to let go of who I thought I was and sink into the rubble of myself

Slowly I reopen my eyes, again afraid it was just a dream, only to find nothing

All my dreams and desires, my plans and comforts – all gone

Frantically I search for something – only to find nothing but him – my rescuer

He just smiles and opens his arms

Cautiously I walk towards him, still wondering if it is all a dream

Looking into his eyes, I see who I truly am – who I was created to be

Side by side he shows me how to live, how to survive this new life

No more walls, No more masks are needed

For I found where my true comfort and refuge is

I found it in my Lord, my Savior Jesus Christ

Crazy LOVE

2011, so far, is the year for Crazy Love. And I am not just talking about the book by Francis Chan, which I might add is an excellent read. It is the year that I have begun to see the Love that the God has for me and each and every single person on this planet we call Earth. I believe that it is also a year to wake up and realize what all is going on around our lives. To see our neighbors, our coworkers, and the people at the gas station beside us with the eyes of God. Which brings a song to my mind called Give Me Your Eyes by Brandon Heath.

Just imagine with me what the world would look like if we all had the eyes/heart of Christ. Would we begin to see instead of just looking? Would we listen instead of just hearing? Would we begin to realize that the somebody who will get to the needs in others lives is US. That we are a somebody and that we need to step up to the plate and swing with all our strength. The real question is, are we ready to become somebodies instead of nobodies. If you are ready, then watch out because God is ready for you to be His hands and feet to the world.

In January, a friend and I began teaching a small group class over the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan. It is a book that is for people who are ready to step into their roles of somebodies. Our small group turned into one of young adults, who like us, were looking and wanting more out of life. Searching for people willing to go along the somebody path with them. To be the helping had for when we trip and fall and can hardly get back up again. It became a time of where we were learning from each other. It gave us the opportunity to minister to each other and to become, like Flatirons Church always says, a “me too” place. And through all of this we began to slowly come to grips of what the Love of Christ really is. That it was and is so much more than the mushy, gushy feelings that make us feel all nice and warm inside. It was a love that said I love you so much that I am willing to take a death sentence for you so that you and I can spend time together. It meant that I was getting something that I did not deserve, something that should not have been mine in the first place. Because of this Crazy Love, I am able to have a taste of it, a taste that will never leave. I was FORGIVEN!

So now that I have this thing called Crazy Love, what do I do with it? We have two options. It can be come that best kept secret in our lives, or it can become the very nature of who we are as individuals. Here is where we decide to become somebodies or nobodies. Nobodies are those who have the best kept secret and it remains just that. The best kept secret. Or we can decide to become somebodies with big mouths and take this ‘secret’ to our families, friends, coworkers, neighbors, and of course the people at the gas station. The best way to do this is not through our words, but through our actions. Just like mom would always say, ‘actions speak louder than words’. The only way to truly show our Crazy Love secret is to live it out each and everyday. To become Crazy Love.

During a particular struggle/dark time, God challenged me to take a Love Dare with Him. To learn, to see, to know His love for me. Each day new things came into light to show me the love He had for me. My eyes were opened to new things. I not only began to see myself in a new light, but I began to see those around me differently as well. I began to see them as God had created them to be, and that sometimes people forget who God created them to be. To step back in those times and fall to my knees in prayer. The hardest lesson that I began to learn was that what I wanted and the things that God wanted for me didn’t always line up. I wanted the right things in life, but the things God wanted for me were ten times better. I also began seeing that God’s timing really is always the best. Now I am not saying that this was a new concept for me, but some how I had always known this in my head but it never connected in my heart. Finally, through a Love Dare, that I am still working on, the connection between my head and heart was finally made. If I wanted any type of perfection in my life, I had to wait on God’s timing. Anything I tired would fall way short of perfection. Ultimate perfection, I will add, will only be achieved in Heaven and what a glorious day that will be!